Greetings to all you parents this week. I am one of many of you that have a daughter that just went from the sweet little girls that we all know and love with pigtails and cute little clothes to the little hormone-ridden monsters that we now all know and love with "boyfriend" issues and requests for their own Facebook accounts. How do we handle this transition? What if we mess it up? How did our own mothers handle this crazy time when we were there - "back in the day?"
I have given this dilemma much thought in the months preceding the infamous 13th birthday. When my daughter began seventh grade this year, we sat down and had a chat about what things she might encounter in school and how different this year would be from any other. My first comment to her and our firm and steadfast rule for this year was that she would not involve herself with any "drama." What is drama you ask? Number one drama for this age is BOYS! We agreed that if she liked a boy, she would not put herself in the position to lose a friendship over a BOY! Childhood and especially middle school friendships are long lasting and should be protected at all costs and allowing behind the scenes chatter between girls over a boy could ruin what might be a life long friendship.
Secondly, grades should be her number one focus. As hard as this may seem to get across to your teenager, if you give them the constant encouragement that they need to get through that dreaded second language and math, you will be surprised at what good grades do for their self esteem. But you must be consistent. I strive to tell her on a daily basis how proud I am that she made that A on her Spanish test and when she doesn't do so well on her math homework, I let her know that we will work on it and it will be okay. Because I have the luxury of having a son who is a freshman at a very prestigious liberal arts school in New York, my daughter sees firsthand where good grades can take you and she wants the same for herself.
Lastly, I cannot stress enough how important it is that your children be involved in some type of extra curricular activity. Hanging out on the corner on the weekend does not count! Tennis has become my daughter's social saving grace this year. In years past she has been afraid to attempt any team or organized sport for fear of failure. Last fall I began sending her to a tennis pro for private lessons and this year she is playing on the middle school tennis team. For a child to go to school and hear their name announced across the hallways of the school intercom system as a winner in their respective sports is a huge boost for their self-confidence. It gives them something to look forward to each morning and because of tennis, she has made a good friend that she now socializes with outside of school and tennis.
Now...what to do about the dreaded 13th birthday party? Hmmm...let me suggest something to you that you may not have ever considered. Typically when we throw a party for our teenagers, we invite friends and family and lots of their friends over to our homes. We eat, drink, play games and have cake and icecream. If you are brave enough to allow a teenage sleepover, you are really in for it. And the next morning when everyone leaves and you are left standing in the middle of your house with one hell of a mess, you think to yourself..."who's gonna help me clean this up?" The solution to your problems is your local hotel chain with an indoor pool. For the last five years, I have called up my local Quality Inn and reserved two to three double-bed rooms and a small banquet room that accommodates four or five round tables and three food tables. I have hired my son's friends with laptops and a 100-watt system to bring downloaded music. I always go to Sam's Club and cater my own parties with cheese and fruit, turkey and roast beef, and of course the fabulous marble cake. They swim in the pool until 10 o'clock, eat...eat...eat, watch movies till 2:00 a.m. And when the sun comes up in the morning, the hotel staff will knock on your door yelling, "Housekeeping" and you walk away from the mess. Your child has had the most fun party of their teenage life! How do I know this? I did it last night.
Namaste,
Melissa Seiler
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Tis The Season
Hello everyone,
Welcome to my first post. Hopefully, I can keep your attention for a few minutes. This weekend is the culmination of the High Holy Days for the Jewish faith. It is now that I am humbled by the fact that during this tough economy, I am still fortunate to have my health, my family and my job. And I am very grateful as well. The topic of my first post is one of atonement and forgiveness. There are so many people that we interact with on a daily basis. Some are just acquaintances and some are very close to us. Most don't impact our lives significantly but those that do mean everything to us.
No matter what the relationship with those that you interact with every day, if you have offended someone or hurt someone's feelings or even neglected to give or return a smile, those actions need atonement. We all have difficult situations that we are dealing with in our lives and a few spoken words of encouragement may be just what that person needs from you. And the great thing about sharing hope, help and encouragement is that it does as much for you, the giver, as it does the receiver.
I am reminded of a moment a few weeks ago when I was taking care of some paperwork at the courthouse. I saw one of the domestic violence workers dealing with a very young girl, maybe nineteen or twenty. She had a black eye and it was obvious that she had become a victim of somebody's anger. She looked so scared and confused. A few minutes later, as I made my way through the Sheriff's department, the girl was entering the records division (assumably to have her domestic violence order served on her attacker). As I passed by, I turned and said, "Excuse me. You don't know me but I just wanted to say that I am proud of you for being here." Did it mean anything to her? I don't know. Will she return to the abusive relationship? I hope not. But regardless of the situation, if those words gave her any comfort at all in the middle of a very scary and stressful event, it was worth saying.
So please take this opportunity to mend a broken friendship or relationship. Take the time to stop and lend a hand to someone who might not have another person in their life that would care enough to do so. Remember how fortunate you may have been in the past to receive just that kind of help and do what you can to pay it forward. G-d bless each of you during this holiday season and until next week....
Namaste,
Melissa
Welcome to my first post. Hopefully, I can keep your attention for a few minutes. This weekend is the culmination of the High Holy Days for the Jewish faith. It is now that I am humbled by the fact that during this tough economy, I am still fortunate to have my health, my family and my job. And I am very grateful as well. The topic of my first post is one of atonement and forgiveness. There are so many people that we interact with on a daily basis. Some are just acquaintances and some are very close to us. Most don't impact our lives significantly but those that do mean everything to us.
No matter what the relationship with those that you interact with every day, if you have offended someone or hurt someone's feelings or even neglected to give or return a smile, those actions need atonement. We all have difficult situations that we are dealing with in our lives and a few spoken words of encouragement may be just what that person needs from you. And the great thing about sharing hope, help and encouragement is that it does as much for you, the giver, as it does the receiver.
I am reminded of a moment a few weeks ago when I was taking care of some paperwork at the courthouse. I saw one of the domestic violence workers dealing with a very young girl, maybe nineteen or twenty. She had a black eye and it was obvious that she had become a victim of somebody's anger. She looked so scared and confused. A few minutes later, as I made my way through the Sheriff's department, the girl was entering the records division (assumably to have her domestic violence order served on her attacker). As I passed by, I turned and said, "Excuse me. You don't know me but I just wanted to say that I am proud of you for being here." Did it mean anything to her? I don't know. Will she return to the abusive relationship? I hope not. But regardless of the situation, if those words gave her any comfort at all in the middle of a very scary and stressful event, it was worth saying.
So please take this opportunity to mend a broken friendship or relationship. Take the time to stop and lend a hand to someone who might not have another person in their life that would care enough to do so. Remember how fortunate you may have been in the past to receive just that kind of help and do what you can to pay it forward. G-d bless each of you during this holiday season and until next week....
Namaste,
Melissa
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